she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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