you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
