ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Alive.
So much puke
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
