i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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