there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
