I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
