I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
