Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
