i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize