The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
