She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
