You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
