I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
