Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
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I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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