I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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