I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
