He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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