believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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