I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
