I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
