if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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