i think my tv is drunk
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize