And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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