"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need a beard to bite.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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