I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
