We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
