it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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