I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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