Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
