Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
