i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
