yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
