Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
