He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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