I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
and you fell through a lawn chair
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize