You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
