The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
