Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
