I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
