People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
