please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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