All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
