She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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