New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
