smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
