If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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