O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
