Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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