I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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