Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
