She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
that may or may not have been my penis.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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