cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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