yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Randomize