Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
