We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
