The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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