I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
