My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
