so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
