his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
