yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
