Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
