I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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