i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
